Fun With Kigo
by Failte200
Summary: Kigo, obviously.  Just a oneshot humor article experimenting with each, and neither, and both, women being lesbian.  Bit of Rokken on the side. Teehee.


DISCLAIMER - I don't own Disney, I don't profit from this story, yadda yadda yadda.

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Fun with Kigo – a Kim Possible fanfic by Failte

WARNING: depicts homosexual relationships. Don't read if that bothers you. No sex at all, though.

Short little story playing with both, each, and neither Kim and Shego being gay. Bit o' fun with Ron and Drakken too.

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Kim and Shego were going at it as per usual in an apparently abandoned warehouse near the docks.

"Oh, good one, Princess! And don't think I didn't appreciate the gratuitous crotch-shot, either!" Shego teased as she shot off yet another bolt of green plasma towards the red-headed teen hero.

Kim easily ducked it, and blushed, also as usual. She hadn't had time to change out of her cheerleader uniform when Wade had contacted her. But "crotch-shot" had been the last straw. She put her arms down and stood up straight.

"Okay... okay, let's just stop this, all right? I mean... just stop it. For a minute" she said with exasperation in her voice. She was going to put an end to this teasing, once and for all.

Shego was intrigued. "Alright, then, Pumpkin. What's on your mind?"

"Are you... I mean... Look, I just can't take these... _remarks_ of yours anymore! Are you interested in me or what!?"

Shego raised an eyebrow, "_Interested_ in you?"

Kim sighed. She shouldn't have expected Shego to make this easy, whichever way it went.

"Yeah. Are you trying to say that you... want to _go out_ with me?"

The green vixen's other eyebrow raised to match the first one, "... 'go out' with you?..." She still didn't get it.

"Dammit Shego! Do you want to _have sex_ with me or not! You're driving me crazy here!"

Shego's eyebrows stayed raised, but now her eyes widened, too. She began to laugh, quietly at first, but louder as more connections were made in her mind.

Kim rolled her eyes. _Obviously not_, she thought. Her face was burning red now. Trying to prevent Shego from stealing – whatever it was she was stealing – didn't seem so worthwhile, anymore. But her continuous laughter was starting to piss her off...

"Yeah, laugh it up. I'm glad I could provide you with some entertainment this evening." Kim turned to leave. "Keep your whats-it. Whatever Drakken's planning, it'll get screwed up in the end anyway."

Shego continued laughing, holding her stomach now. Kim, getting more upset every step she took, finally whirled on her.

"You think it's funny? Do you have any idea how hard that was for me to say? _YOU_ try it, sometime! _YOU_ try saying 'Hey, I think you're hot, wanna date? Oh, by the way, you ARE gay too, right?' "

Shego's mirth came to an abrupt halt, and she resumed staring at her nemesis wide-eyed.

"Uh... waitaminnit..." Shego said, shock evident in her voice, "... you're saying... You know, Prin- uh, Kimmie, you didn't say _you_ were gay... until just now..."

Kim closed her eyes. She could have still kept her secret, if only she hadn't made that last sarcastic remark. Now it was out. Damn DAMN _DAMN!_

"Yeah. That's right, Shego. I am. And as if that weren't enough, I think you're hot." Kim sighed. Now it was definitely time to go. "That ought to give you enough ammunition for a whole lifetime of taunts, huh? 'Bye, Shego."

Shego was actually stunned. Kim was almost out the door before Shego began to run to catch up to her.

"Wait! What about this! I'm stealing this... thing, y'know! Aren't you gonna stop me?"

"Keep it. Use it with my blessing." Kim turned around, though, to see why Shego was so concerned. "What is it, anyway?"

Shego held it up and looked at it, then at her, then back at it. She seemed to be thinking about something.

"It's the rear-view mirror from a 1972 Dodge Dart. I picked it up on the way here." She tossed it to her enemy.

Kim looked it over. It WAS the rear-view mirror from a...

"Now, hold on a while... why... I mean..." then she understood. It was nothing. It was an excuse to get her here, something to fight over. Now it was _her_ turn to laugh. How many other "crimes" had Shego committed for the same reason? It was ridiculous!

Shego was looking at the floor between them, abashed. "I just like the fights, Kimmie... I thought you did too. I never thought you... I mean, that you were..."

Kim managed to calm down to slow giggle. "Okay, Shego. Let's just make sure we're on the same page here: you've been using excuses like _this_" she tossed the mirror away, "to get me here to fight. But you're _not_... 'interested' in me?"

Shego looked up at her without lifting her head. "No. Sorry. I mean... not _sorry_... but, uh..."

Kim laughed. Shego frowned. Kim said, "This is SO the drama!"

But something else was occurring to Shego: "So... you think I'm _hot_?"

Kim stopped laughing, but kept smiling. "Yes, Shego. You're hot. And if you _dare_ to make fun of me -"

"Really? Hot?"

"Geez! Of _course_ you're hot! How could you not know you're hot?" Kim asked genuinely.

"Well... I mean..." Shego pretended to look at something off to the side, "I'm _green_, y'know..."

Kim was speechless for longer than Shego was comfortable with.

"Of _course_ you're green... what other color would... you..." Kim began, but stopped when Shego looked at her with earnest hurt in her eyes. It was something _very_ un-Shego-ish. "It bothers you, being green?"

"Doy. You ever try buying cosmetics for green skin? Didn't you ever wonder why I chose Goth over every other look out there? Nothing else _works_ on me anymore! And don't even talk to me about fashion..."

"But... but Shego... you look _beautiful_ in green! I mean... I can't imagine you looking any other way... and you wouldn't look nearly as good, anyway! I... I can't _believe_ you're... I mean..."

"Thanks, Kimmie." Two words undid three years of animosity, all at once.

"Oh. Uh... you're welcome." Kim didn't know what else to say. Except, "So, you're _sure_ you're not -"

Shego smiled, but it was a smile without her trademark smirk, "YES, Princess. I'm _sure_ I'm not lesbian. And I _am_ sorry. And I _won't_ use it as 'ammunition', cross my heart."

They both stood there awkwardly for awhile. Then Shego walked over and picked up the discarded mirror.

"Guess I'll just be taking this home, then" she said.

Kim grinned. "You know I can't let you do that, Shego."

"You can't?" Shego said hopefully.

"No. I can't" Kim said, and crouched into her fighting position. "And no more 'stealing' during cheerleader practice, either."

Shego lit up her hands, and threw a left-hook towards the cheerleader's head, "We'll see, Princess."

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Kim and Shego were going at it as per usual in an apparently abandoned warehouse near the docks.

"Oh, good one, Princess! And don't think I didn't appreciate the gratuitous crotch-shot, either!" Shego teased as she shot off yet another bolt of green plasma towards the red-headed teen hero.

Kim easily ducked it, and blushed, again as usual. She hadn't had time to change out of her cheerleader uniform when Wade had contacted her. But "crotch-shot" had been the last straw. She put her arms down and stood up straight.

"Okay... okay, let's just stop this, all right? I mean... just stop it. For a minute" she said with exasperation in her voice. She was going to put an end to this teasing, once and for all.

Shego was intrigued. "Alright, then, Pumpkin. What's on your mind?"

"Are you... I mean... Look, I just can't take these... _remarks_ of yours anymore! Are you_ coming on to_ me or what!?"

Shego de-flamed. "Well, Princess, I _must_ say you have a keen grasp of the _bloody obvious_! I mean, Doy!"

Kim hadn't actually been prepared for that. "So... you mean... you're -"

"A lesbian, Princess. Say it with me: les – bian..."

"Yeah. That." Kim took awhile to collect herself. "Well, I'm not. I like guys. I'm... sorry?" She was? Why should she be sorry she wasn't gay?

Shego sighed heavily and looked at her. After a long silence, she said, "You sure? I mean, you have _no interest_ in -"

"No."

"At all?"

"No!"

"Ever?"

"Shego! No!"

"Well... poop" Shego said, throwing the objet 'd villainy aside in dejection.

"Uh, you just threw away... what was it, anyway?"

"Uhm. Well... Actually..." Shego stalled.

"A part for a doomsday device?"

"Well..."

"A box of mind-control chips?"

"Not exactly..."

"A tube for a death -"

"It was the rear-view mirror from a 1972 Dodge Dart."

Kim stared at Shego as the words sunk in. Her brow furrowed, but Shego just shrugged.

"You've been... how many times have you done this?"

"Uhm... half to three-quarters. I like the fighting! Don't you?" Shego was uncharacteristically earnest with the question.

"Well... yeah... but I thought..."

"You _know_ I never hurt you intentionally, don't you?"

"I'd wondered about it..." Kim admitted. "But... it takes everything I've _got_ to KEEP you from hurting me!"

"Yeah, well, same here, Princess. That's what I like about it."

"Are you saying I _have_ hurt you?" Kim asked. She honestly didn't think she had.

"Doy! You've cracked ribs more often than I can keep track of! You _broke_ my leg once!"

"Oh... well..."

"Don't worry about it, Kimmie. My powers heal me fast. I'm good as new by next morning. Well, except for that time you got a clear kick to my collar-bone. _That_ took two days."

"Wow."

"Yeah, 'Wow'." Shego looked at Kim honestly, "Okay, so I'm never gonna get into your pants. Uhm, I _am _right abou -"

"That's RIGHT, Shego! Now quit asking."

"Right. So... can we go back to business as usual?"

Kim thought about it. "How 'bout this: Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday. Same time, same place?"

Shego was astounded. "You serious?"

"As a heart-attack."

Shego smiled, actually giddy with delight, in spite of everything, "It's a date!"

"IT IS _NOT_ A DATE!!"

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Kim and Shego were going at it as per usual in an apparently abandoned warehouse near the docks.

"Oh, good one, Princess! And don't think I didn't appreciate the gratuitous crotch-shot, either!" Shego teased as she shot off yet another bolt of green plasma towards the red-headed teen hero.

Kim easily ducked it, and blushed, again as usual. She hadn't had time to change out of her cheerleader uniform when Wade had contacted her. But "crotch-shot" had been the last straw. She put her arms down and stood up straight.

"Okay... okay, let's just stop this, all right? I mean... just stop it. For a minute" she said with exasperation in her voice. She was going to put an end to this teasing, once and for all.

Shego was intrigued. "Alright, then, Pumpkin. What's on your mind?"

"Are you... I mean... Look, I just can't take these... _remarks_ of yours anymore! Are you interested in me or what!?"

"Yes" Shego replied simply, de-flaming her hands.

"Yes?"

"Yes. So... you?"

"Uhm... yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah" Kim smiled. "Couldn't you have just _said something?_ Did we really have to fight for _three years_ to do this?"

Shego just shrugged. "Well, I didn't exactly feel this way three years ago, y'know? You?"

"I see whatcha mean. No. I guess I didn't. But GEEZ! You really have to go around stealing things just to..."

Shego looked at the black box with one shiny side in her hand. "Actually, Kimmie, this is the rear-view mirror from a 1972 Dodge Dart. Uh... sorry 'bout that." She tossed it aside.

Kim looked at her with new admiration. "It was?"

"It was. I like the fighting Kimmie. It was the fighting I liked _first_, in fact. The... other thing, came later."

"Yeah. Me too."

"You too?"

Kim began to giggle. "Yeah, me too."

Shego had never seen anything so cute in her life. "So, dinner and a movie?"

"SO there!"

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Kim and Shego were going at it as per usual in an apparently abandoned warehouse near the docks.

"Oh, good one, Princess! And don't think I didn't appreciate the gratuitous crotch-shot, either!" Shego teased as she shot off yet another bolt of green plasma towards the red-headed teen hero.

Kim easily ducked it, and blushed, again as usual. She hadn't had time to change out of her cheerleader uniform when Wade had contacted her. But "crotch-shot" had been the last straw. She put her arms down and stood up straight.

"Okay... okay, let's just stop this, all right? I mean... just stop it. For a minute" she said with exasperation in her voice. She was going to put an end to this teasing, once and for all.

Shego was intrigued. "Alright, then, Pumpkin. What's on your mind?"

"Are you... I mean... Look, I just can't take these... _remarks_ of yours anymore! Are you_ coming on to _me or what!?"

"What?! _Coming on_ to you? You... you can't be serious!"

"Well, what am I _supposed_ to think, Shego? With all your 'like what you see?' and talk about 'crotch-shots'.. not to mention getting me here when I don't have time to change out of my cheerleader uniform... it all adds up, y'know!"

"Not in _my_ book, it doesn't 'add up', Kimmie!"

"So, you're NOT a lez, then?" Kim asked, trying to get back to the subject.

"No!" Then a look of almost-terror crossed Shego's face: "You?"

"No!"

"Oh, thank god! You had me scared for awhile there, Princess!"

"... got _that_ right..."

"I mean, can you _imagine -"_

"_No!_ And I don't _want_ to, either!"

"You said it."

They both stood there in awkward, if relieved, silence for awhile.

Kim finally asked, "So, what was the deal with all the innuendo, then?"

"Oh, you know, just to pull your chain. So you'd think that I thought that you... even though I _never_ thought that you'd think that I... uh.. I mean you..."

"Therapy much, Shego?"

"Cut it out. So are we gonna fight, or what? That's why we're here, right?"

"I _thought_ you were stealing some kind of diabolical device to further Drakken's plans for world domination. _That's_ why I'm here. Now, _why_ are you here, again?"

"Uh... well, I just like to fight, actually..."

"So that thing is..."

"A rear-view mirror from a 1972 Dodge Dart."

Kim couldn't believe her ears.

"A 1972 Dodge Dart?"

"Yeah. Why, need one?"

Kim thought about it. She could just end all this right now, go home, and watch TV.

"Yeah. Yeah, I _do_ need one, as a matter of fact." She smiled threateningly.

Shego smiled right back: "Well, I guess you'd better just come over here and _get it_, then, Princess!" Shego's hands whoofed with green flame again.

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Drakken was busy tying up Ron while the girls fought, the usual ending to one of Dr. D's Ultimate Plans for World Conquest.

"Take that!" they heard Kim shout.

"Almost, Princess, but telegraph city. How many times have I _told_ you about that? But do you listen? Nooooo" Shego replied. A bolt of green plasma could be heard smashing into a shelf of laboratory glassware.

"Ha! Missed by a mile! I think you may need glasses, Shego!"

"Gimme a break. You know the damn plasma-balls are so slow they're almost useless. I just like to watch 'em smash things."

"You're a disturbed woman."

"You love it and you know it."

Ron and Drakken looked at each other. Something about the girls' banter wasn't quite right. Ron shrugged. Drakken stood up without tying the rope in a knot, and took a seat in front of the lab counter-tops.

Ron soon wiggled out of the ropes. While Kim and Shego continued to fight, and Drakken watched, he checked out a diabolical-looking device covered with stickers that said Danger: Radiation, Danger: Laser, and Danger: Biohazard. A self-destruct button graced a prominent position in the middle of the 10-foot high cylinder of metal, pipes, and valves.

Several mugs sat on the counter beside it.

"Does it work this time?" Ron asked.

"Of course it works! It worked _last_ time! It's just that the lasers weren't in phase enough to -"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever" Ron cut him off. He grabbed a mug and put it under one of the valves of the device. Steaming Coco-Moo filled it.

"A self-destruct button? That's new, isn't it?"

"We 'mad-scientists' have certain standards, Don. You know that" Drakken replied without taking his eyes off the battling women.

"Ron. Well, it's still stupid."

"Perhaps. More to the point: it's patentable. Therefore, it makes me money. Something you wouldn't understand at your age, Shawn."

"Ron. Uh-huh. Sure." As Ron sat in a chair next to Drakken's, a pink rat-looking thing stuck it's head out of Ron's pocket and agreed: "Uh-huh, Uh-huh."

Drakken spared him a glance. "Honestly, I don't know what you see in that rodent."

"He's a beautiful rodent, that's what."

Drakken finally turned to face the boy sitting next to him. "Says you. Speaking of which, _Ron_, have I ever told you how truly beautiful your big, brown eyes are?"

Ron's big, beautiful, brown eyes almost popped out of his pretty, freckled face.


End file.
